No Sex. No Masturbation.

Ding! Ding! Ding!

The fight is on.

Every morning when I am half asleep. Though my eyes are closed, I can still envision past affairs that I prematurely shared with individuals who I no longer have a connection to.

Just an uneasy desire that makes it difficult to get out of the bed. Should I give in just one time?

I could stay until it takes its course.

Either way, no one will ever know. Seriously, no one is checking for me. It’s not like they can hear or see what I am experiencing.

But, I’ll know.

He, God will know.

We are finally at a good place in our relationship where I depend on Him in times like this.

Why would I sacrifice for two minutes of self-pleasure to simply risk something I been hoping and praying for?

He promises to give me a way to escape.

By His grace, I can win. I just need to remain still, silent, and hear His voice.

Celibacy is giving up all sexual sin.

The strength I now have is only because of God. As I shared in The Affair , this isn’t my first attempt at celibacy. Like most people, I have tried celibacy more than once. Usually, it would be right after I had sex.

Each time I would be guilty of engaging in sexual sin and I was sure to try to convince God of my mistake by saying a small prayer,

“Okay God, this is the last time. I’m sorry.”

Not too soon after I would find myself right back in the same bed, with the same person, doing what we would do best. Like a light switch, the idea of being celibate only felt necessary to claim whenever I wanted to turn it on.

I knew the intentions behind my prayers were only to get back good in His graces. In my mind, if I prayed to God and stopped having sex with people, I was fine. The only problem was I continued to seek pleasure: with myself.

I was playing a dangerous game! The more I stimulated that desire it only intensified my need for sex. I was convinced masturbation was a better option to replace sex because it didn’t cause for me to allow myself or others to sin.

I had a completely false conception of surrendering lust to God! See, my sexual addiction controlled me because I wasn’t fully depending on God.

The error of my ways was whenever I was alone. The more I engaged in the self-pleasure I continuously told God, “I don’t need you. I have this under control.”

In Ephesians 3:5 it states,

“Let there be no sexual immorality, impurity, or greed among you. Such sins have no place among God’s people.”

The reason why it took me several attempts at celibacy was I allowed the door to sexual sin to remain open through masturbation.

Celibacy enhances self-discipline in our faith.

“If I only knew then what I know now.”

The benefit of being celibate is I am gaining self-control in other areas of my life. In the past, there were times where I would make decisions based on my personal opinions or feelings.

I couldn’t think to pray. Like Nike, I would just do it 😄

Because I am now practicing self-discipline, I ask God on making certain decisions before acting.

Seriously, I can be heading out the door and ask God. “Do I need to take a light jacket for the day?”. Each time I give permission to God, He supernaturally directs me on the right path.

Now, I’m not trying to sell a dream.

Everyone has their own approach to celibacy. This journey has been one of the hardest things I’ve ever experienced. As I mentioned previously, sexual sin is the one thing I fight daily.

It is only by God’s grace, I can proudly say I am now celibate for one year in counting and I look forward to continuing this journey until my Paul comes! 😄

(Read Blog Post Single, Again? To Learn About Paul)

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•Lust Nuggets!

Time is no factor in celibacy!

The time in celibacy doesn’t stop the need for sex. There’s not a day that goes by that I haven’t thought about sex.

It’s okay to be vulnerable!

One of the best ways for us to stay strong is to share with our small close-knit friends what we are experiencing.

Even a small act of self-pleasure can manipulate us to think that just one time is okay.